im six kinds of drunk right now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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