Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
