It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
