Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
