if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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