I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
