So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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