Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
