come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
