He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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