thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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