She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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