I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
