Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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