I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
