I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
