she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
