I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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