So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize