all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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