i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
