im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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