Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
