She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
are you so shy because you have an std?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
