help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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