I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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