someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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