My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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