Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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