Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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