Dude my mom stole all your condoms
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
