I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
