bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
