I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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