i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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