I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
