He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
