Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Holy shit dude........stairs
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