So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
