i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
