that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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