Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
