Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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