In America we eat man semen.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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