$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
