i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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