I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
whose parrot is this?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
