PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
