I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
