Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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