He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
