oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
they need to just BURY HIM!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
