Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
