Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
