How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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