I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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