i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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