so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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