No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
