That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize