Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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