Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
