ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
