Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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