I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize