can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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