You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
