you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
