Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
