I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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