so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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