used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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