did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
